Saturday, March 22, 2008

Life is calling...Where are you???

There are times in life when you are chasing your dreams so passionately but finding the run endless and frustrating.When happiness is escaping from you its HappY?ness”,questioning you why should it come to you?…… Your dreams suddenly seem to be on the negotiating table .The time seems to be looking impatiently at its watch darkly hinting that it cant wait for you anymore.U yearn for “pearls of wisdom”!!! and surely many would be generously giving you….

Hello who r U????.....well as my orkut tagline use to say Miss“Wanna b MICA Laal!!”

I was 6 months away from CAT exams ,reloaded to take one more chance to “bell the fearsome CAT …”
The pledge was inspiring, it felt everything was just fine. The preparations, attitude, the “wowing luk”of my friends was all I needed to be dere…MICA (a premium B-school of our country)….so far so good
But my scores were betraying my preparations…every Sunday, I bit the dust!
A nagging old woman came to life within me.Well acknowledged by people around me with tsk-tsk sounds(when u r highly irritated), jokes sms cut down to “talk to you later” templates….
People looked at u like an old woman but inside was a helpless child whining fighting lonliness,failure and forcing an “I am fine” look on the face..
I was losing from various ends. When I spoke my fear spoke for me….
When I read only my index finger read the lines
When I looked at somebody the sight soon got blurred with welling tears…
I had literally lost the courage to stand for myself….

Then gradually getting used to the uninterrupted streak of failures I learnt that “B the change you want to see”.Realizing that even if I fail world is still full of opportunities. A light hearted flick “Jab we met”, stroked my heart till the bottom, it wasn’ t so difficult to be happy after all.Life should be taken as it comes to you.I realized that I was not sad because of failures but because I did not love myself enough.I was troubling myself for things dat were not happening and ignoring what it was hinting at…it was making my path clearer telling me what I could do and I could not….
Optimism dawned on me
“Do not sweat the small stuff” den I knew it was all small stuff!!
Den mind was free and head held high ,widout fear of failing…ke sera sera!!took one more exam
.... I took MAT and forgot about it least realizing it would MATter so much in my life then. One evening on the dining table when my parents were doubting my hard work which was once again replied with cracking voice, streaming tears , literally begging mercy…..probably my telephone heeded my plea….it rang tring tring !!! goes the bell!!!
MAT results were out….my running nose paused for a while ,tears retreated as dey were quite sure de have to kick bak even harder after a few minutes….
I opened the result page…it was 95.24%tile….it took me a while to realize that…..I could not laugh , because crying had become second nature to me….I was not able to speak because at that time tears were speaking for me…
I just hugged my mother and cried for a long time leaving her confused or may b convinced about their doubts on me.
Later when they discovered, it changed “no change” life, I was the change ,the tagline also changed
Now “there’s just no looking back!!!!”

I cleared my Christ college interview successfully. Leaving all the tears behind….
I savor everything I have now because I know what it means to fail ,what it means to be left alone. We should just listen to life when it speaks, see what it shows .Now when I look at happiness coming to me from everything and anything, before I can wonder about it, it says happily….the answer to “HappY?ness” is
Happ“I”ness” because “I” am the occasion…..

so the newest tagline is….Life is calling….Here “I” am!!!!